10 - The Need for Touch

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

 

Episode highlights:

 

Touch is one of our essential needs. 

 

It is important to be able to ask questions.

 

The Needs of the Heart by Chip Dodd 

• “The need for touch is one of the deepest forms of fulfillment that we have, and it can be one of the most abused needs that we possess.” (Page 27)
• “The child will literally not develop physically according to developmental norms without being touched well.” (Page 27)
• “Emotional growth and trust are connected to touch if we’re touched well.” (Page 27)
• “Your need for belonging and mattering [is] fed through brief moments of appropriate, caring touch.” (Page 28)

 

Touch is so vital that we cannot truly grow without it. When human beings are only cared for custodially, they can develop a condition called failure-to-thrive.

 

Babies and small children need to be “touched” appropriately and lovingly through:

• cuddling
• being held
• carried in arms, on shoulders, or in a sling
• being rocked
• sitting in caregiver’s lap
• hugging
• snuggling
• holding hands
• brushing their hair
• patting them on the back
• a genuine smile
• a bedtime story
• a lullaby

 

Our needs never stop from birth to death.

 

Our toxic shame tells us that we “should” not have needs anymore. 

Examples: 

• “You’re 12 years old! Quit being such an attention seeker.”
• “That’s not scary. Put on your big girl pants and go back to bed.”
• “What are you crying about? Dry those tears up and quit acting like a baby.”
• “There’s no need to feel scared or nervous. You’ll do great. It’s just an interview.”

Healthy touch creates a response called attunement. In attunement: 

• You become regulated within.
• You’re in tune or in rhythm with others and the world.
• You experience a symphonic connection with the outside world.
• You know you’re not alone.

 

When you attune, you connect to others in a peaceful synchronized way, like night bugs singing a symphony.

 

Out of that connection, you are fueled to go attend to life’s tragedies.

 

This connection is called autonomy; it sets you free to make decisions, go take risks and possibly fail, because you have a safe place to go back to in order to be refueled. This place is called “home.”

 

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