Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

56 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life #6: A Man Identifies Himself with Mercy

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
Reminder: “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life” are not simply steps or a list. They are movements that we live in for the rest of our lives, continuing to grow and learn as we do so. We never finish; hopefully, we grow and learn until we die.
 
In order for all 12 of the movements to work, it is essential that a man orders his life, as we talked about in episode #50. Man must place God first in his life and himself second. Without connection to God, he will eventually wear out and/or burn-out.
 
Movement #6 - A man identifies himself with mercy:
He knows that but for the grace and mercy of God, he would not be “where he is.” He would not be able to identify himself with The Twelve Movements, and he would not be able to implement them. 
Because he identifies his own need for mercy, having received it himself, he tends to be merciful and gentle without being weak.
The need for mercy assumes that the man has known/knows feelings and needs, and that he has the humility to admit having feelings and needs. This man knows pain, and he doesn’t run from it.
 
Pain comes from the Greek word pathos, which means feelings. 
From our willingness to feel, we develop three other important characteristics that come from pathos:
 We develop passion, which is a willingness to be in pain (have feelings) for something that matters more than the pain. 
We also develop patience, which means the capacity to wait on our hopes to be realized. 
With patience, we can delay gratification. 
With passion, we can remain in pursuit of the results we seek.
 
People who run from pathos become pathological, which means sick. Feelings don’t harm us, but running from them does.
 
The great achievements of life in art, literature, science, medicine, in society in general, have their origin in passion and patience.
 
Love itself relates to our willingness to have pathos.
 
Luke 10:25-37 tells the story of The Good Samaritan, a man who identifies with mercy. 
The Good Samaritan had empathy, which means he had experienced pain; therefore, he could identify with the another’s pain. Since he could relate to pain, he could have compassion for another who was in pain. 
 
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55 - The Twelve Movements #5: A Man Walks Daily in the Dirt

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
Movement #5 is a matter of the heart, like every movement of The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life. 
 
When a man walks in the dirt daily:
He faces that he does not have control of life, and he cannot see the future; even so, he bravely walks into doing his duty/calling one day at a time. 
If he has a vision of love and care for the people he offers himself to, he will go face the daily struggles of not having control; he knows that he is in charge of dealing with life on life’s terms. 
He maintains and sustains an attitude of courage that requires humility, or healthy shame. He must need others and God.
 
Philosophy meets real life in tangible ways:
Care and Courage: For a man to “walk daily in the dirt,” he must bring care and courage to daily life and expresses what matters to him. 
Tangible Action: His philosophy, character, ideas and ideals must have tangible action to be real and true. 
Consistently Does: He consistently does what he claims matters to him.
 
Basically and practically, he takes care of business one step at a time:
He gets sweaty and tired, through action of output.
He grasps that passion means a willingness to be in pain for what matters.
He knows that if he pours out, he must re-fill and replenish, to keep going.
He takes responsibility for his self-care, to be able to continue to care.
 
Without passion, a person cannot truly be successful. It is essential.
It means that you are able to feel, care, and ask for help.
 
Healthy Shame means that you show up daily to do your duty/calling. This requires the help of others. Every man needs the support, wisdom, care, and encouragement of other men. And, of course, a man needs God.
We have Healthy Shame when we become aware that we don’t have all the answers and need the help of others. Humility is an outcome of Healthy Shame. (Episodes #19 and Episode #20).
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54 - The Twelve Movements - #4 A Man Grows in Faith

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
A man grows in faith: 
He matures over a lifetime to live with a “heart” of certainty about God. He knows in his heart that God is always faithful to His promises and is always present in the man’s life 
He grows in his faith starting with fear, which God gave us to:
recognize our need for help
hope for an outcome that “saves” me
speak our needs
face our powerlessness over life
express our hopes
 
By using fear as God intended it to be used (Episodes # 19 and Episode #20), we actually grow our faith, from an infancy to a maturity. 
 
By using our fear to reach out to God with our feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope, we begin to develop a trust in God’s presence and action in our lives.
 
Fear can initiate this equation: 
Fear Expresses Hope + Expression of Desire + Risk of Action = Outcomes that Develop Faith
 
A man needs to grow in: 
dependence upon God
how God created us
how one is uniquely created
 
As a man (or woman) practices the equation, he finds that “infant” faith grows. In other words, infant faith begins to become “memories” of God’s presence in his life. 
 
Through practice over time, a man (or woman) develops a more mature faith that we can call “certainty.”
 
Infant faith is Hope + Expression of Desire + Risk of Action = Outcomes that Develop Faith.
 
Maturing faith is having memory of God’s presence in the past.
 
Mature faith is certainty of God’s presence even in the most difficult times.
 
When we feed the roots of the heart (feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope), we grow the fruits of:
living fully
loving deeply
leading well. 
 
The roots of how God created us are expressed at birth. The APGAR (Episode #2 and Episode #3) speaks to how we come into life with rudimentary faith. We naturally reach for connection, safety, and fulfillment with a desire to grow.
 
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53 - The 12 Movements - #3 A Man Remembers How He is Made

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
Endurance and Perseverance are different:
Endurance is the ability to “take the blows” that life delivers.
Perseverance is that and more; it is the ability to fight back.
 
We are created to persevere, but we need to learn how, and we need help to know how.
We have to practice asking for help.
 
A Man Remembers How He is Made:
 
A man needs to admit every day, with deep awareness, that he is not God, and is created by God. He did not create himself. He was created.
 
An inspired man, versus just one who is ambitious, knows that he is in service of something greater than himself, a mission that his heart is “called” to.
 
A man humbly faces his need of God, and he does not attempt to take credit for what he did not create.
 
Therefore, a man serves a higher authority and a higher purpose than himself, and he orders his life accordingly as was discussed in Episode #52.
 
In serving a higher authority and purpose, a man contends with three areas of struggle, as part of the purpose of living with passion, intimacy, and integrity.
He brings full hearted presence into a society and “world” that often lacks the heart leadership.
He brings advocacy; he speaks up for issues and people who suffer in silence or suppression.
He brings order into chaos or destructive influences.
 
No man succeeds alone. He needs the help of others; he needs their encouragement, wisdom, and strength. He also needs God’s encouragement, wisdom, and strength to keep him inspired to persevere in his purpose.
 
Surrender is vital for a man to succeed and persevere. Surrender does not mean defeat. The word means to “render over,” or “give back.” 
 
Much of our society teaches self-reliance and self-sufficiency, when actually a man needs to hand himself over to God, as in surrender himself to God, to be the strength and courage that he needs to live his purpose.
 
A man who attempts to live self-sufficiently or with self-reliance only needs to surrender to God who can do so much more with His strength in a man than the man can ever do on his own.
 
The “Living with Heart” podcast series on Codependency is vital to grasping the difference between self-reliance and God-reliance. Episodes #32 - # 44.
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52 - The 12 Movements: #2 A Man Faces and Struggles Being a Work in Progress

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
A man faces and struggles with being a work in progress by admitting and struggling to accept that “clumsy is as good as we are ever going to become.” 
 
Though we carry eternity in our hearts and the picture of perfection in our hearts, we cannot achieve it. 
 
A man faces four realities and perseveres in the midst of them and in spite of them: 
Mistakes are inevitable and yet a man continues to pursue living fully, loving deeply, and leading well so that he leaves a positive legacy.
We all have to live life on life’s terms. Life is tragic and God is faithful. We have to struggle with that conflict, without becoming resigned or giving up.
Everything in life is practice. We never get to stop needing to ask questions and learning how to live.
It takes a lifetime to learn how to live.
Remember that the movements are not a “twelve steps list.” They don’t work as an ordinal ranking, checking one off and then going to the next, and then assuming that you are done.
 
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life:
offer a “path” not a “pill.” 
offer a process of how to live so that a man offers his best to who he loves and what he loves. 
require that a man submits to the reality of how life works. No one “beats” life or changes how it works. 
Samuel Beckett said, “We are on earth, and there is no cure for that.” However, the courageous struggle to succeed in the midst of life’s realities; therefore, the twelve movements are not about perfection, but about living with passion, intimacy, and integrity.
 
A man will leave a positive legacy when he is: 
living fully
loving deeply
leading well
This man will exhibit:
passion
intimacy
integrity 
A man must bring these three characteristics to each movement.
 
Remember that God controls the process of life. Listen to Episodes 23 and 24, “Trust the Process” Parts 1 & 2 for a better understanding.
 
A man or woman, who lives with passion, intimacy, and integrity is a competent person; therefore, a successful person. 
 
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51 - The 12 Movements: #1 The Order of Love

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life are about a way of living with daily routines over a lifetime. They are about bringing your heart, head, hands, and habits to your relationships and life. We build a lasting legacy one day at a time and one step at a time. 
 
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life focuses on the invitations, “response abilities,” and opportunities for men to see who they are created to be, so they can do what they are created to do. 
 
A Reminder:
We are all created to live fully
love deeply
lead well. 
 
Both men and women are created with the desire to live with:
passion
intimacy
integrity
 
Questions to ask yourself about living fully:
Am I courageous? Do I bring my “full-hearted” participation to what I am doing?
Am I curious? Do I ask questions so that I may learn more? Am I teachable?
Am I compassionate? Do I have enough awareness of my own feelings and needs to identify and relate to others?
The desire to answer, “Yes” to all three questions means you desire to be a competent human being. 
 
Courage + Curiosity + Compassion = Competence
 
Men are called to: 
“stand-up” to bring order into chaos
“speak up” when no one is speaking up for what is just or merciful.
“show up” to fill the void or absence of what is good or right.
The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life:
Movement #1  A Man orders his life following love’s code
God has directed us, allows us, and moves us to live life with these priorities.
The Man’s Life
God
The Man (Self)
Spouse
Children
Friends
Mission
 
The Woman’s Life
God
The Woman (Self)
Children
Spouse
Friends
Mission
If a person is going to love anyone or any place, then they must be willing to suffer and feel all the feelings that come with love. 
 
They also have to ultimately recognize that they are powerless over life. We have choice-making powers, but we don’t have power over all the outcomes.
 
Love is worth it, and it is a contract of a willingness to be in pain. 
 
Love hurts. Think of raising a child—all the concerns, fears, heartaches, joys, struggles, worries, sadness, celebrations, daily difficulties, hopes, and dreams. 
 
A man is given opportunity and a calling to 
live fully
love deeply
lead well
 
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50 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life (Intro Part 2)

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
The preface to Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life is vital because the movements are not just a list of twelve things to accomplish. They are twelve movements that are about a man’s whole life. They are processes that interlock and “circles” that join and move a man into wholeness and love and legacy. 
 
The 12 Movements are about a man’s character of heart and having actions that match his character in order that he leaves behind a positive legacy.
 
Men are created to become someone who practices a lifestyle of:
Living fully
Loving deeply
Leading well a life that is worth treasuring by others
 
These three territories integrated create a positive legacy.
 
It is vital for a man to practice healthy anger as part of the lifestyle that we will be discussing in the following episodes. 
 
For greater clarity about healthy anger, listen to “Living With Heart” Podcast  episode #19 and episode #20. 
 
Also, read The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd
 
Healthy anger is a feeling that moves a person to live with passion. Passion is the gift we receive when we live our lives expressing healthy anger. 
 
Passion is a willingness to be in pain for something that is greater than comfort or pain.
It communicates that a person values the heart and cares about something greater than his own self-protection, and vulnerability.
 
Healthy anger moves us to care, hunger, thirst, hope, want, and desire. It moves us to deal with and express the truths of the heart. It expresses our willingness to be vulnerable enough to care about something.
 
 “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
 
A man is created to live with passion, even in a world that belittles it and mocks it.
 
A man who has passion is going to be on mission to accomplish that which he is moved from within to do. 
 
A man is created to be capable of intimacy, or “into-me-see.” In other words, he is capable of sharing the truths of his heart. 
He will accept his needs for the sake of mission. 
He will accept that he will need help to accomplish his desires. 
He will need other men in his life to help stay strong to care for his family.
 
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Season 5 Episode 49 - The 12 Movements of a Man's Life (Intro)

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
This new podcast series, “Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life,” is not going to be exclusively for men. We want women to learn and have confidence in seeing and expecting men to be who they are created to be. 
 
I created these twelve movements over 15 years ago when I was in my early 50s. I knew that I was not old enough to present them with assurance, because I had not witnessed them as a “lived experience” yet—even though I knew they were true. 
 
I am now more of a witness to how extraordinarily true and vital they are for our society, for families, for marriages, for mission, for men in community with other men, and for a man with God. 
 
I learned these truths and concepts from the thousands of men, couples, and families that I have worked with while running my treatment center and in my own  consulting/mentoring practice that I started in 2019. This material is the culmination of work that began in 1988, if not before!
 
These twelve movements are not a list that a person checks off, completes the next step, and then gets his diploma. These movements are actually real processes, or interlocking circles that expand over a lifetime. They are never completed. They only end when the man’s life ends.
 
This episode lays the foundation for the twelve movements to follow:
 
We are all feeling creatures. We feel, need, desire, long and hope; and we imagine our lives being fully lived related to our feelings.
We are all emotionally and spiritually created to do one thing in this life, to live fully (all purpose in life begins from the desire to live fully).
We are literally born to find full life in relationship with ourselves (our own hearts and heads connected), with others, and with God. We are not created to “do” life alone.
Neuroscience has “caught up” enough to verify and validate what has always been true. We are connection seeking creatures. We come out of the womb looking for who is looking for us. We find fulfillment through connection.
Unlike all other mammals, we as human beings can attempt to run from or deny how we are created. We can attempt to use our “heads” to deny our heart’s makeup—to avoid vulnerability.
We can use our minds to avoid engagement with the feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hopes of the heart. When we do so, we isolate ourselves from each other, our own makeup, and God.
We all look to connect in three ways: (a) we all need to belong and matter; (b) we all seek safety and care; (c) we all crave the experience of being fully alive.
 
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48 - The Real Meaning of Resolution

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
Welcome back and Happy New Year’s Eve!
 
We are talking about the real meaning of resolution, what many us set our minds to focus on in the first of every year. We often fail not too long after we commit ourselves to some New Year’s resolution. There is a reason we often give up on our promises and commitments to ourselves. 
 
We deal with that today:
What sets us up to fail, and how do we actually succeed.
 
New Year’s Day is often a marker day, one in which we look towards the future and ask significant questions:
What do I want to happen?
What do I want to achieve?
What do I imagine?
What do I desire?
 
Out of the answers to the questions, we set up markers and set our sights on getting to the goal lines of our hopes and dreams. 
 
We often fail, not because we lack desire or good intentions. We fail because we attempt to achieve certain things with tools that do not work, starting with a mistaken understanding of what a resolution is.
 
We have been trained to think that a resolution means that I need to become hyper-focused, and that I need to become bound and determined through will power to achieve the goal. The mistaken teaching actually sets us up to fail. 
 
Failure occurs in the following way:
The phrase “bound and determined” literally means to be “tied up” or “bound,” by being constricted, or not free. 
I actually become deterred (discouraged) by the very determination I think will bring success. 
Being bound means to be tied up, and determined becomes deterred, or stalled, from the very success I have resolved to achieve. 
Being tied and deterred is not the way to success.
 
By going back to the word resolution and grasping its real meaning, we can start down a path of accomplishing what we seek.
 
Resolution actually means:
To re-solve, literally to untie what has become a knot. 
Resolve means to re-decide, to untie myself from something that binds me or stops me from having the life I seek.
 
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47 - Our Year in Review

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
“Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” podcast has been downloaded in 49 states and 68 countries. Thank you to all of our listeners. We are very grateful to you and also grateful that so many of you have shared this podcast with family and friends. We hope for many more listeners in the coming year because we deeply believe in what we are offering and how it can do for people.
 
I have never tired of or even thought I knew all the depths of The Spiritual Root System, even after all the years that I have been talking and teaching about it. We truly are created as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to find fulfillment in relationship. What seems so basic now, to almost everyone, sounded foreign to many, many people in 1991 when I began to communicate the power of surrendering to how we are created.
 
About 15 years ago, neuroscience research began to validate the material I have been talking about. The material I talk about is ancient, has always been true from the beginning, and is amazingly Biblical. 
 
It is a reliable scientific material, and yet even more, it is faith-based proof of the existence and goodness of God.
 
We are “heart” people who have the addition of intellect that develops over time after birth. 
 
We are born as “heart” people, and we are all created the same way. 
 
This fact sets the stage for the actions of a loving and moral people. When I look at you, I am looking at myself, in terms of being a feeling, needing, desiring, longing, and hoping creation. 
 
This factor allows me to recognize the benefit of practicing the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Matthew 7:12). As our sameness allows us to develop conscience, we can bless each other. 
 
The more we deny our sameness, the more we harm each other. Of course, no matter what, we are going to still need to seek forgiveness; we are going to harm each other. 
 
We have truly entered a new era, one of the heart. 
 
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