Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

63 - The Twelve Movements and a Woman's Life

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
We just concluded a podcast series called, “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life.”  
Although the series applies equally to women, I focused on men for three reasons:
Men have a history of losing their focus as leaders, and not recognizing their importance to each other, their marriages, families, and society.
There is a great need for men to be “response able” with their power, to avoid forms of being controlling and demanding and/or quitting when things become stressful.
There is a need for men to continue to develop the capacities to live with integrity and passion, because society inherently depends upon the character of men to be vibrant.
 
Good men are essential and crucial to marriages, families, community and society. If good men don’t rise, bad men multiply and societies crumble.
 
 “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life,” also presented a picture of the man that a woman needs and hopes will come into her life. 
 
Every woman (who wishes to be with a man) seeks to:
Be cared for by a man who can care.
Be rendered secure by a man who is secure.
Be protected by a man who will advocate for what is right.
Be understood as a feeling creature, as a man knows himself as a feeling creature.
Know that a man will give himself to a cause greater than her, without neglecting her.
 
Women and Men have to face certain realities in life:
We are all works in progress. “Clumsy” or imperfect is as good as we will ever become. We are all like giraffes running on ice, as parents, spouses, children, leaders, etc.
We have to live life on life’s terms. We will have to learn how to struggle, deal with feelings, be in need, face loss and in spite of everything, love!
We have to face that everything in life is about practice. Medical doctors are referred to as “practicing medicine,” just as lawyers practice law. We are all practicing daily, as parents, spouses, and people in general.
We have to face that it really does take a lifetime to learn how to live. We never arrive at a place while we are living to say, “I know longer have to struggle with being human in an imperfect world.”
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

62 - The Twelve Movements of a Man's Life #12: A Man Will Step Out into the Future

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
A man will step into the future, often armed with nothing more than his own vision, because he trusts that the future is where God lives. He steps into the mystery of the future with hope, fear, and faith.
 
Hope is the inextinguishable flame of life in all of us.
 
Fear is the feeling that lets us seek out and ask for help with life’s struggles and questions.
 
Faith is the connection to God; and trust that our hope is not foolish, and our fear will be heard.
Faith is “being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.” (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)
 
Movement #1, “The Order of Love,” is the foundation for the other 11 movements. Episode 50 
 
Movement #1 places the man in need of God, who created him and loves him. He is second, and he draws his strength, courage, and caregiving from God. One cannot give what he/she does not have. A man is created to deliver love to others, starting with his spouse and children (if he has them).
 
A man who trusts God will step into the future with hope, fear, and faith because he trusts that God wants to “grow” or develop him into all that he is created to become. He has also witnessed the experiences of God’s presence in his life.
 
Movement 12 can take us in many directions; however, we will focus only on two:
The Beatitudes (Matthew 5:3-10) show us the growth process of God.
A process called Johari’s Window show us what we need in order to grow.
 
The Beatitudes present us with a series of growth processes. Each “step” evolves into the next growth experience. 
 
I wrote the book The Perfect Loss: A Different Kind of Happiness about the growth processes given to us in Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount from Matthew 5:3-10.
 
Two remarkable things about the paradox of the Beatitudes: 
 Jesus says that “Blessed” are those who surrender to and submit to a painful growth process.
 The gift of the first Beatitude and the gift of the last one is the same gift, implying that a person has grown, much like an acorn grows into an oak tree.
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

61 - The Twelve Movements of a Man's Life #11: A Man Knows that He is God's Masterpiece

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
To download my Free Resources, go to chipdodd.com. Download The Discipline of Restoring, and more, to continue the journey of living fully, loving deeply, and leading well.
A leader needs inner strength and inner resources. I offer these resources to help people succeed.
 
A Man Knows He is God’s Masterpiece:
Every man is created to lead and needs inner-strength to do so; he needs to know how to get the strength he needs to fulfill his leadership responsibilities. Every man needs God and others to succeed.
For his own personal fulfillment, every man needs to attend to his tasks, mission, and/or callings—all synonyms. A “job well-done” is gratifying.
Every man (and woman) is created to live fully, love deeply, and lead well lives that others can benefit from long after the man has finished his career. The greatest treasure of a man’s life is the value he leaves behind.
Every man needs to recognize his importance and dependency upon the God who created him. A man has inherent God-created worth, and he is created to be in need.
 
What stops a leader from succeeding? Usually, he does not know his value, and he does not know his neediness; therefore, he doesn’t develop the inner strength and inner resources to “stay the course” of his mission. 
 
We are God-created; we need to depend upon Him and how he created us. 
 
God created us to live with heart. 
 
God created us as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully through relationship with ourselves, others, and Him, as talked about in The Voice of the Heart and Needs of the Heart, by Chip Dodd.
 
Addiction takes us away from the heart of how we are created, because addiction is all about “avoiding” and “silencing” the heart. 
 
Four powerful scriptures speak to our worth, our dependency on God who created us, and the importance of the heart:
Ephesians 2:10.
Psalm 139:13-16.
Proverbs 4:23.
Psalm 8.
 
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV) says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
 
The word “workmanship” testifies to God creating us specifically. 
 
The DNA of the human being is 99.9% identical to all other human beings. We are created 99.9% the same emotionally and spiritually, as well as biologically and physiologically.
We have also been gifted with a .01% uniqueness.
 
Click here to continue to read the episode highlights.

59 - The Twelve Movements of a Man's Life #9: A Man Seeks Out Appropriate Authority

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
For a man to lead any organization, family, mission, or task, he needs to trust what he knows. In addition, he needs to be aware of what he doesn’t know so that he can grow into becoming all he is created to be. 
 
This man seeks out the abilities of others so that he can accomplish his responsibilities. 
 
No one knows everything, and therefore, we all need others’ abilities.
 
Four Categories of Practicing Appropriate Authority:
Every man is a leader if he loves someone, and/or has a goal or mission in life. Therefore, he has authority, which is more about a responsibility than a form of power.
A leader definitely needs certain skills to accomplish his responsibilities; just as important, a leader needs to be a competent human being.
A leader truly needs to know what he doesn’t do well and know his limitations, so that he can reach out to others who have the abilities he needs in order to fulfill his responsibilities.
A leader needs to be responsible with the power that is inherent in leadership.
The power of delegation.
The power of truth-telling.
The power of delivering consequences.
 
Authority comes from the word author, which means that you have been given the ability and responsibility to communicate your assigned “mission.”
 
There are two kinds of authority
Healthy authority is invitational. It grows trust and confidence in the “followers” because they know two things about their leader. They believe he desires their good or benefit, and they know that he is as much a servant of the “mission” as they themselves are. For example, the president of the United States’ mission is to serve the Constitution. The truest leader knows that he is serving God as the top authority. Healthy authority invites the full participation of heart, mind, and abilities of a person.
Unhealthy authority is subordinating. It is about exercising power over someone. It is inherently threatening because it focuses on “lock-step” obedience even more than the development of a team that can accomplish a mission. Unhealthy authority focuses on “obedient” performance over the full of investment of a person’s presence of heart, mind, and abilities. Heart doesn’t matter too much in an unhealthy authority system, only abilities.
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

60 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life #10: A Man Keeps No Secrets

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
A man keeps no secrets:
He does not hide behind a cloak of pretending or darkness. 
He does not isolate his heart from those who matter to him. 
He does not dwell in places that he would not let others know about who matter to him.
Secrets are things a man hides for fear that he will be rejected, censured, judged, or stopped. 
Secrets are ways a man hides his heart’s pain from others by finding ways to numb his heart, through addiction, affairs, depression, isolation, “false loyalties,” and pretense. 
A man needs to know that he is needy. He needs to be able to communicate his feelings and needs, while also being able to trust “waiting” for them to be met.
 
A man who lives without secrets will still sin, make mistakes, and have regrets. 
 
However, he practices a lifestyle of rigorous honesty because he admits his sins, mistakes, and regrets. 
 
This man remains transparent by telling the truths of his heart to the right people who will respect his struggles and vulnerabilities.
 
A man who keeps no secrets is usually a competent human being who is:
Curious, wanting to know about others, and allowing others to know about him.
Courageous, fully participating in living with his whole heart.
Compassionate, being able to identify with others’ pain because he knows his own pain.
 
The skills of a competent human being are separate from the skills one develops as a surgeon or plumber.
 
A competent human being values intimacy and integrity more than he values his skills. His worth is connected to “who he is” more than “what he does.”
 
We are as sick as the secrets we keep.
Secrets are powerful because they are “counterfeit” experiences of feeling connected without the vulnerability that comes with being connected in genuine relationship. For example, alcohol gives a person a sense of connection without being in genuine relationship, as do all forms of addiction substances and processes.
 
Keeping secrets make us sick because it requires great energy to be emotionally defensive and guarded. 
 
A man with secrets has to be emotionally guarded by being vigilant and controlling in order to prevent his secrets from being discovered or “exposed.” 
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

58 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life #8: A Man Trusts an "RE-" God

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
What is an “RE-“ God? 
“RE-“ is a prefix that means to do again or make anew. Our God is an “RE-“ God because He offers Himself to us again and again through refreshment, renewal, restoration, repair, recreation, redemption, etc. 
 
A man trusts an “RE-” God:
A man who fully participates in life with his whole heart will pour himself out into life daily.
Because all of us are limited in our strength and resources, we need to be re-stored, re-plenished, re-deemed, re-created, re-enlivened, re-freshed, and more. 
We have a God who attends to us is in daily life; therefore, we must face and participate in the rhythms of daily life for our daily sustenance. 
A man needs to know how to attend to his limits and needs so that he is ready to step into the next day with renewed strength and resources.
A man needs to develop a rhythm of renewal so that he can give his heart, head, and hands to whatever he is “called” or assigned to do.
 
To live consistently in Movement #8, a man must begin by remembering his proper place. 
 
In Episode #51, “The Order of Love,” explains the importance of a man submitting to God as the greatest resource of strength, courage, and wisdom that he can possibly have. “The Order of Love,” defines the foundation for all the other Movements of a man’s life.
 
A Mistaken Belief:
Many men are taught to believe that they are permitted to “rest” or “replenish” only when they are finished with their mission. They drive themselves very hard and live on “when/then” thinking: 
“When I get all this done, then I will be able to finally stop, and relax, eat, drink and be merry.”  
This thinking is based on the idea that I can finally get away from stress, worry, and pain if I just work hard enough. 
However, a man cannot escape the realities of life because there is no such place as “away.” We have to contend with feelings and needs our whole lives.
WE need to experience “RE-” from God daily. 
 
In Luke 12:16-21, Jesus shares a parable about a man trying to “get enough” so that I will no longer have to live with concerns, cares, stresses, or worries. Sadly, there is no such place that we can “get to” where we will no longer have to struggle. 
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

57 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life #7: A Man Knows What is Worth Dying For

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
 The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
A man knows what is worth dying for, because he knows what is worth living for. 
He can give and offer his life to what matters to him because he knows what he is living for. 
He consistently offers his competence and care to the love, the cause, and the mission he is living for.
He desires to offer himself as a source of love to the people he loves.
He lives with passion, which is a willingness to be in pain for something that matters more than pain.
 
Because a man has entrusted himself to God’s order (as discussed in episode #50, Movement #1), he draws his strength and courage from God. He has a passion that is purposed, and he forms plans of fulfillment accordingly.
 
Passion >>> Purpose >>> Plan >>>
 
In reference to Plans, they are as big as the Passion. This means that a man continues to rely on God, because just as his passion is “bigger” than he is, so are the plans that he makes to fulfill the passion. For example, a father, in his old age, wants to see his children living fulfilling and purposeful lives; however, if his children live into old age and live a fulfilled life, he will certainly pass away without seeing the fulfillment of his plans.
 
Olympians are good examples of expressions of passion with a purpose. They give themselves to something worth being in pain over. Olympians are not a special breed, though very often they are uniquely gifted with certain specific giftings that they multiply with passion and purpose. In other words, we are all meant to be Olympians. We are all meant to give ourselves to something worth being in pain over.
 
We are all created to give ourselves to something greater than ourselves; this is an expression of being fully alive: producing, creating, shaping, planting, growing, and pursuing.
 
The man who grasps what is worth dying for invests in so much more than just his name being remembered. He invests in what outlasts him, without the focus on just his name being remembered or honored.
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

56 - 12 Movements of a Man's Life #6: A Man Identifies Himself with Mercy

Click here to read the episode highlights. 
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
Reminder: “The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life” are not simply steps or a list. They are movements that we live in for the rest of our lives, continuing to grow and learn as we do so. We never finish; hopefully, we grow and learn until we die.
 
In order for all 12 of the movements to work, it is essential that a man orders his life, as we talked about in episode #50. Man must place God first in his life and himself second. Without connection to God, he will eventually wear out and/or burn-out.
 
Movement #6 - A man identifies himself with mercy:
He knows that but for the grace and mercy of God, he would not be “where he is.” He would not be able to identify himself with The Twelve Movements, and he would not be able to implement them. 
Because he identifies his own need for mercy, having received it himself, he tends to be merciful and gentle without being weak.
The need for mercy assumes that the man has known/knows feelings and needs, and that he has the humility to admit having feelings and needs. This man knows pain, and he doesn’t run from it.
 
Pain comes from the Greek word pathos, which means feelings. 
From our willingness to feel, we develop three other important characteristics that come from pathos:
 We develop passion, which is a willingness to be in pain (have feelings) for something that matters more than the pain. 
We also develop patience, which means the capacity to wait on our hopes to be realized. 
With patience, we can delay gratification. 
With passion, we can remain in pursuit of the results we seek.
 
People who run from pathos become pathological, which means sick. Feelings don’t harm us, but running from them does.
 
The great achievements of life in art, literature, science, medicine, in society in general, have their origin in passion and patience.
 
Love itself relates to our willingness to have pathos.
 
Luke 10:25-37 tells the story of The Good Samaritan, a man who identifies with mercy. 
The Good Samaritan had empathy, which means he had experienced pain; therefore, he could identify with the another’s pain. Since he could relate to pain, he could have compassion for another who was in pain. 
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

55 - The Twelve Movements #5: A Man Walks Daily in the Dirt

Click here to read the episode highlights.
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
Movement #5 is a matter of the heart, like every movement of The Twelve Movements of a Man’s Life. 
 
When a man walks in the dirt daily:
He faces that he does not have control of life, and he cannot see the future; even so, he bravely walks into doing his duty/calling one day at a time. 
If he has a vision of love and care for the people he offers himself to, he will go face the daily struggles of not having control; he knows that he is in charge of dealing with life on life’s terms. 
He maintains and sustains an attitude of courage that requires humility, or healthy shame. He must need others and God.
 
Philosophy meets real life in tangible ways:
Care and Courage: For a man to “walk daily in the dirt,” he must bring care and courage to daily life and expresses what matters to him. 
Tangible Action: His philosophy, character, ideas and ideals must have tangible action to be real and true. 
Consistently Does: He consistently does what he claims matters to him.
 
Basically and practically, he takes care of business one step at a time:
He gets sweaty and tired, through action of output.
He grasps that passion means a willingness to be in pain for what matters.
He knows that if he pours out, he must re-fill and replenish, to keep going.
He takes responsibility for his self-care, to be able to continue to care.
 
Without passion, a person cannot truly be successful. It is essential.
It means that you are able to feel, care, and ask for help.
 
Healthy Shame means that you show up daily to do your duty/calling. This requires the help of others. Every man needs the support, wisdom, care, and encouragement of other men. And, of course, a man needs God.
We have Healthy Shame when we become aware that we don’t have all the answers and need the help of others. Humility is an outcome of Healthy Shame. (Episodes #19 and Episode #20).
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

54 - The Twelve Movements - #4 A Man Grows in Faith

Click here to read the episode highlights. 
 
The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 
 
A man grows in faith: 
He matures over a lifetime to live with a “heart” of certainty about God. He knows in his heart that God is always faithful to His promises and is always present in the man’s life 
He grows in his faith starting with fear, which God gave us to:
recognize our need for help
hope for an outcome that “saves” me
speak our needs
face our powerlessness over life
express our hopes
 
By using fear as God intended it to be used (Episodes # 19 and Episode #20), we actually grow our faith, from an infancy to a maturity. 
 
By using our fear to reach out to God with our feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope, we begin to develop a trust in God’s presence and action in our lives.
 
Fear can initiate this equation: 
Fear Expresses Hope + Expression of Desire + Risk of Action = Outcomes that Develop Faith
 
A man needs to grow in: 
dependence upon God
how God created us
how one is uniquely created
 
As a man (or woman) practices the equation, he finds that “infant” faith grows. In other words, infant faith begins to become “memories” of God’s presence in his life. 
 
Through practice over time, a man (or woman) develops a more mature faith that we can call “certainty.”
 
Infant faith is Hope + Expression of Desire + Risk of Action = Outcomes that Develop Faith.
 
Maturing faith is having memory of God’s presence in the past.
 
Mature faith is certainty of God’s presence even in the most difficult times.
 
When we feed the roots of the heart (feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope), we grow the fruits of:
living fully
loving deeply
leading well. 
 
The roots of how God created us are expressed at birth. The APGAR (Episode #2 and Episode #3) speaks to how we come into life with rudimentary faith. We naturally reach for connection, safety, and fulfillment with a desire to grow.
 
Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.